Photo by Stephanie Di Girolamo
For breatheslow I actually made the beat and first verse end of February. Conceptually and sound wise I wanted to go for something more lighter, while breaching on a subject lyrically I always wanted to talk about: my vices.
Everyone has a vice. I am no different. Some maybe food, drinking, drugs etc. one of mine is actually lust. I’m not super sexually active at all. However, when my pops passed away, I did start to participate more. I was running. This song about acknowledging the use of vices, as I used them to run, and my frustrations with control. I used to be a huge control freak, micro-managing people. Nowadays I calmed down understanding how everyone operates differently and that’s okay. I can’t expect for everyone to maneuver or navigate how I do.
The chorus is a reminder to breathe and let things run it’s course. Reliving the stress as you dance to this groovy jazzy alternative rap tune.
The first half of the first verse, I mentioned my drug addiction past along with the lust vice. The drugs occurred when I was in college on anti-depressants. My mood swings was massive and took my anger out on people closest to me. Second half I talked about my issues with vulnerability. Leaning on myself, being scared to lean on my support system. Being embarrassed I had an emotional and mental breakdown in front of a loved one when my Dad was passing away.
The second verse is about regaining power and not hold myself back or allow the environment I’m in or the circumstances I’m in to define my power. Our worthiness isn’t define by validation. Not the awards. Significant other(s). Family etc.
I have a problem with putting people’s feelings over my own, so I developed the habit to hold mine in for the sake of everything being resolved as swiftly as possible. Not understanding things fester. I still hold a lot of resentment in regards to my recent situations and that’s because I’ve made the irresponsible decisions to dishonor my feelings and not share in a way the ignites healthy discussion. I put it all in the music, but nothing beats being interpersonal. So there’s a level of miscommunication or disconnection present.
Understanding how to be present in the moment, acknowledging feelings instead if finding something to run away can eliminate those issues.
Video shot and edited by Cosmo Free
Sound:
The bpm for the production is 97. I pulled inspiration studying blxst beats and Rich Spirit by Kendrick Lamar. Golden textures something vibe to and not create something with a serious undertone, but yet I’m still rapping.
As for the sample, I sampled the same artist for emanciaption (just two different songs of course.) I’m not going to reveal who I sampled. If you know, you know. They aren’t that hard to find honestly. I slowed it down by 50 percent and pitched up just a little bit.
Lyrics:
Breathe, slow
Let go
Breathe, slow
Let go
surrender control
is the goal
surrender control
is the goal
Fallen to my vices
temptations running rampant
so inciting
restless
Always into something
when we get to cuffin
when we get to fucking
I grieve different
Judgments clinginess
22 pill addiction
itching to
peel my skin off
so you’ll know
where my bones crackle
from within
taking steps
to amend
even from a distance
occasional miss yous
set adrift cause
a bigger issue
immature when
triggered
happy
sadness in late night
anxiety
will you and
everyone catch me
when I fall apart ?
embarrassed you seen
me scream
I can still hold it down
even through your eyes
what it seems
hotlines in cold thoughts
I exhaust
as I
I can be bad
all by myself
fuck validation
shit poison
to health
always on
the go
but never stop to think
run back
to situations abusive
to me
pennies for my nightmares
I strive to change
detaching from
All smiles
my ignorance safe
pay towards resentment
difficult to reconcile
with shadows
in muses
fuck a song
made my ex
into your
album of the year
no longer
bare feelings
for your fucking tears
If hurting means
to heal
then that’s what it is
what's what it is, uh
let go what
you can’t control
grandfather’s damage
suffocate my mother’s
breath control
on a interpersonal
I struggle to connect
and accept
that my soul
deserve more than
what it accepts
Listen to my new body of work, The Emancipation Of Chris Siders here
All songs produced by Chris Siders
Additional Production from Thandizar Easley
Features: Fran and Hank $weets
Mixed and Mastered by Nemesyzz Rigby
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